Note: I deeply apologize for the slackage. Readers, I hope you can accept this message and we can continue having this beautiful reading and writing relationship. For those of you sending threats my way regarding my slacking, settle down and read-- oh, and leave me the hell alone!
Anywho, what have I been up to, you ask?! Have I gotten a job yet? Have I acclimated to living in my LSD apartment? Have I found true love in the big city? Have I found my ultimate favorite Chicago pizza place? NO to all of the above. I have tasted a whole bunch of superb slices though.
My new chicago hobby is hunting-- apartment hunting. It is not easy and absolutely stressful. I've been crawling from studio apartment to studio apartment, desperately searching for a killer bachelorette pad. To do this I've become a realty agent tramp. Yes, I go from one agent to the next and juggle multiple agents at the same time. I only do back-to-back days. I couldn't see two or more in the same day if I tried. I try not to let them know about each other because I'll feel bad I'm three-timing. It's not like I'm paying them or we had a discussion about being exclusive.
My first agent had her head pretty much suffocated by the clouds in which common sense went bye-bye. Every time we spoke, it was like speaking to her for the first time and she followed up with wide-eyed responses, secretly making me want to slap sense into her. On day one Agent A took me to a five-floor apartment building. Upon arrival to this apartment, Agent A said doctors and lawyers live in this building and it just went on the market with rent being $700. Great deal, right? Hell to the no.
Agent A was probably referring to Dr. Dre helping a shot 50 Cent on what used to be tan carpet (but less dramatic). This fifth floor tiny studio has no light, dirty carpet and broken tile. Agent A stated I had the option of getting the carpets cleaned or replaced as well as getting the kitchen tiles replaced. I'm a new Chicago resident who recently graduated and is sadly unemployed with no sugar daddy. What sense does replacement make? The window view also included a nice intrusive sight into my neighbor's window surrounded by brick wall. Separating the two windows was what looked like a pathway to hell.
After leaving the pit and not looking back, we went on an almost two mile hike north in cold, gloomy weather to the last destination of the day. We traveled all the way up to the place to find out we couldn't see the unit because the doorperson couldn't give us the key to see it.
Days later, Agent A set aside the whole day for me. She moved our 11 o'clock appointment back a half hour and was still 20 minutes late meeting me. She strolled in through the door into the lobby to meet me and shamelessly blamed her tardiness on the city transportation. As we were walking to the second place of the day she pulled an apple out of her bag to snack on, which she stopped at the farmers' market to get on the way to meet me. She also advised me that I didn't have to be so modest around her and could feel free to eat something. I politely declined and informed her I already ate. Previous to meeting her I shoved an entire bagel down my throat so I could be on time.
That same day we visited a place where the building's leasing manager tried to convince me that an apartment with absolutely no sunlight coming in through the windows was perfectly okay to live in for a year. It's on a low floor so when I become depressed from lack of sunlight there is potentially no danger when I jump out the window.
Agent B was a lot more helpful. She was cool and showed me some nice places that I liked, but not perfect. I think I might have been a bit much to handle though, because she pushed me onto a "more experienced" co-worker. Whatevs, I have standards, needs and wants. That's all I have to say in my defense. So, I will continue to annoy this new agent--Agent B.2.
Agent C is taking me out on Saturday. Our phone conversations involve awkward silences and strictly business.
Overall, this crib crawling game is tiring and is a definite form of exercise. If it were anything like bar crawl I might have a bit more fun. Instead, when I finish them for the day the prize is a nice cold lite beer. Leases, amenities and rent put a damper on the fun in finding Barbie's dream rental apartment.
My advice to readers looking to move in the future might be to go into the crawl with definite ideas, be flexible with your ideals (because you might not find your absolute dream home with everything included), and have great walking shoes. Take extensive notes and take photos to remember the mess of cribs you've crawled to; it will help with an overwhelmed mind. I don't think I've ever been this organized on a project than I am with this apartment hunt.
Also, if you become a realty tramp like me, juggle appropriately and make sure the places they find don't overlap. It would suck to go to the same place twice and have the building's leasing agent call you out on two-timing. Be slick--like me.
